Thanksgiving 2011

Dearest Beth,

As we prepare for Thanksgiving I wish more than anything that we could patch up our differences. I wish you and I could say we are sorry for all the horrible things we have said to each other. We are mother and daughter, we do love each other and always will, we should remember that. We should be Thankful that we have each other to lean on in hard times and that we are there to support each other we no one else will.

I will always remember your first breath, first steps, first words, first every tooth, first everything! At least I will try to remember as long as I can, as long as God and my mind will allow me to remember..LOL! I wish you nothing but happiness your entire life. Please try to think back to when you were young and remember me with joy at times.

LOVE ALWAYS!!

MOM

Halloween 2011

Dear Beth,

As we celebrate Halloween today, I am thinking of past years, how much fun it was to dress you up in costumes and take you trick or treating. The years you went as a princess or some other cartoon character or maybe a cheerleader! You always had so much fun choosing what you wanted to be and dressing yourself when you could. I loved when you were younger and I could choose for you, but it was even more fun when you helped me, that was a time when we got to work together. I loved taking you and your brothers out in the evenings, holding your hands, helping with the heavy, candy filled bags, and listening to your voices as your said "trick or treat". I would give anything to go back in time to those carefree days!

I hope when you are a parent you will enjoy those days to their fullest! I wish you nothing but the very best and hope one day we can be happy again. Remember I do love you!

Love,

Mom

Once Again....

Dear Elizabeth,

Once again I have let you hurt me to the core! I got an email from you last night with the subject "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!". Upon seeing this my heart sank! After not hearing from you for over four months and only hearing news about you from two people, to see this I was devastated. Then to read "there was no reason to here from you, stop asking everyone how you are, I didn't care how you were in the first place why now?, don't worry about my wedding plans go help your real daughter Brittany, I have a wonderful supportive family here I do not need you guys!, stop asking about me stop thinking about me stop even wondering about me, if you were a truly concerned parent you would email me, leave me out of your life!, just wait you're gonna get what comes to you to for not helping with my schooling, do not take pride in me going to school I did it on my own without you!!", I was even more devastated, I was crying, no sobbing.

As I wrote my reply to you, I was calm, I tried to be loving and explain without lashing out like I really wanted too. I wanted to explain how much I was hurt but also how much I loved you and how much I just wanted to come down to Trinidad and take you in my arms and tell you how sorry I was for not calling, texting or emailing you all those months. But at the same time, I wanted to knock some sense into you, to make you see that just because I did not contact you that did not mean I did not love you, it meant I was trying to give you the room you wanted, the room you had asked for to spread your wings. The space to grow, to learn, to become the woman you felt I had stifled for so long. To become a woman who needed to learn how to live her life the way she wanted to live it. But I know that I can't knock any sense into to you, you have to grow into that woman yourself. No one can force you to see what your life should be but you yourself. And no one can make you see what your Dad and I have done for you and how much we love you!! Only time will tell!

Mom

Birthdays

Dear Elizabeth,

Recently we celebrated two birthdays without you, Ben's and Papaw's. Wish you had been here! Your brother turned 19 and began the last of his teen age years, what a milestone. He is doing very well at College America, he is studying Graphic Arts and really seems to like it. He plans to get his Associates degree then enlist in the Army, something he has wanted to do for a long time. Something James has wanted to do also and is planning to do after he and Brittany are married in May, so that he can finish his Nursing degree.

Papaw turned 69 on September 13, hard to believe that next year he will be 70. He has survived a heart attack and a stroke. He is such a strong man and in very good health. I wish I could say your Nanny was in such good health, she is having some problems with her crone's disease. I wish the doctors could find some medication to help her more. Papaw could use a knee replacement but his doctors don't seem to think so.

Your Dad finally got hearing aides and is hearing much better. We just got word that his hips might be on the recall list, so he is going to be talking to a lawyer to see what his options are. This concerns us since they had to replace so much of his hips to begin with that if anything were to happen to him they have told him that he would not be able to have them repaired and he would be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. So if his hips are on the recall list, they could not replace them, one he could not stand another surgery at this time and there is not enough hip there to hold up to surgery again. We will have to wait to see what happens.

We love and miss you so much and hope that you will come back into our lives sometime soon. Until then, take care and know that we do love you!! God Bless you and keep you well!!

Love,

Mom

Earthquakes

Dear Beth,

Been thinking of you a lot since last night's earthquakes hit the area around Trinidad. Wondering if you are okay? I hope that you are safe and there is no damage to where you are living. I hope that you did not get to frightened by the shaking, I know how you were when you were little about things like lightening and thunder and loud noises so I can imagine how the earthquake would have affected you.

I also heard that you have returned to school, I am so please to get this news. I hope you do well and get your degree. You deserve to go far and get ahead. I only want my children to do better with their lives than I ever did.

I also wonder how your wedding plans are going. I wish we could be planning this together. This should be something a mother and daughter should be enjoying together. I also know that right now you need to be spreading your wings and creating your own life, so I am trying my best to respect that, but I am not happy about it. I ache each and every day to have you in my life again, you are my only daughter and I miss you with every breathe. I love you dearly and wish we could work this out. I hope one day you will forgive all the hurtful words and feelings and move on with life and come back to loving us and allowing to be a part of your life again. Until then I must remember I LOVE YOU WITH EACH PASSING MOMEMT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!!

God Bless You, I love you and Always Will,
Mom

50 Years of Marriage

Dear Elizabeth,

Just a few days ago on August 12, we celebrated with your grandparents as they marked their 50th wedding anniversary!! What a great accomplishment to witness!! I only wish you could have been here to be a part of the celebration. Your aunts and I planned for a year to throw them a surprise party. On Saturday, August 13, we managed to pull off that surprise and throw them a wonderful party. We had family from California, Mississippi, Louisiana and the western slope of Colorado. We also had friends from all over Colorado and some from Montana, friends that your Nanny and Papaw had not seen in several years.

It was a wonderful time, so many friends and so much family. All your cousins, only Jonathan was away, he had to return to college. Of course the only downside from our family was you were not there!! There was a huge empty spot without you! One of the presents we gave Nanny and Papaw was a family picture, one without you in it.

As you can see the picture is very nice, but without you there it just is not complete. I hope one day very soon, we can take another photo to replace this one on Nanny and Papaw's wall.

I also want to share some really good personal news with you, I have lost 50 pounds!! I have surpassed one goal and I am only 20 pounds from my second goal. I plan to meet that second goal by Christmas. For the party I bought a new outfit of shorts and a new shirt, two sizes smaller! Everyone has said they can see how much I have lost and that I look really good. I can see it when I look at pictures from the past and when I put on clothes. I am feeling much better and liking it a lot.

I hope and pray that you are doing well and that soon we are reunited!! I love and miss you so much!!

Love and Miss you Lots!

Mom

Welcome Nicole Leiann

Elizabeth,

Thinking of you today as I posted to the family blog about Nicole's birth, how I know you would love her. You so love babies! She is beautiful, she was born on July 17th, to Aunt T and Uncle Mike. Her poor little head was bruised and scrapped up due to the suction the doctors had to use to get her out but it is healing fast. They have found that she has another small problem, her vaginal area has closed with some tissue and now they must go to a urologist to see if medication or a small surgical procedure must be done. We are all praying for a good outcome. I wish you could see and hold her, maybe one day! For now I will post a picture here and will post others as she grows so that you will see them one day. I hope all is good with you, I love you and pray for you often! Miss you lots!!

Love,

Mom