Once again I have let you hurt me to the core! I got an email from you last night with the subject "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!". Upon seeing this my heart sank! After not hearing from you for over four months and only hearing news about you from two people, to see this I was devastated. Then to read "there was no reason to here from you, stop asking everyone how you are, I didn't care how you were in the first place why now?, don't worry about my wedding plans go help your real daughter Brittany, I have a wonderful supportive family here I do not need you guys!, stop asking about me stop thinking about me stop even wondering about me, if you were a truly concerned parent you would email me, leave me out of your life!, just wait you're gonna get what comes to you to for not helping with my schooling, do not take pride in me going to school I did it on my own without you!!", I was even more devastated, I was crying, no sobbing.
As I wrote my reply to you, I was calm, I tried to be loving and explain without lashing out like I really wanted too. I wanted to explain how much I was hurt but also how much I loved you and how much I just wanted to come down to Trinidad and take you in my arms and tell you how sorry I was for not calling, texting or emailing you all those months. But at the same time, I wanted to knock some sense into you, to make you see that just because I did not contact you that did not mean I did not love you, it meant I was trying to give you the room you wanted, the room you had asked for to spread your wings. The space to grow, to learn, to become the woman you felt I had stifled for so long. To become a woman who needed to learn how to live her life the way she wanted to live it. But I know that I can't knock any sense into to you, you have to grow into that woman yourself. No one can force you to see what your life should be but you yourself. And no one can make you see what your Dad and I have done for you and how much we love you!! Only time will tell!
Mom
No comments:
Post a Comment