September 15, 2012

Dear Beth,

This I hope is the last time I ever have to write in this format on this blog to you!!

Since the last time I wrote to you, we have reconciled!!! YEA!!!! Also, you gave birth to Belle!!! An even bigger YEA!!!

Our lives have changed so drastically and so much better!!! I know we are taking it slowly and are putting the past behind us and I thank God for it!!  As I have posted so many times and as I have said to you so many times, I LOVE YOU!!! Thank you for trying to work things out!!

I feel so Blessed to have you back in my life!!

Love,

Mom

Thinking of You

Dear Beth,

As your birthday nears, I wish we could be there to prepare to celebrate with you. I have been thinking of you so much. Remembering the last 21 years, they have gone so fast. Remembering you as a little girl, your blonde hair, glasses, laughter, squeals, tears, playing with dolls, running through the house calling "mommy", going to girl scouts, playing with the boys, dressing up, the boys cutting your hair, the dirty faces, proms, homecomings, boyfriends, girlfriends, missing teeth, potty training, dance classes, gymnastics, cheerleading, and so much more!! I miss you and I love you!!! Please come home!!!

Mom

Christmas 2011

Dear Beth,

As Christmas approaches, I miss you more each day. I remember past years when you were little and you looked forward to Santa coming to bring you toys. You wanted dolls or Barbies. One year you wanted a motorized Barbie jeep and the next a bike. Then all the sudden you didn't believe any longer, you were all grown up, but you kept the dream alive for Ben. Now I don't know if you are sharing that love with your own children or not. I wish things were different for us, I wish we could go back to those wonderful carefree days. I wish we could at least be friends again. I am sorry for all that has happened, I want to change things and at least try to be your mother again. I am trying to change my ways and stay out of my children's lives and let them live them the way they want to live them. I wish you and Derek all the best!! I love you and always will!!

Love,

Mom

Thanksgiving 2011

Dearest Beth,

As we prepare for Thanksgiving I wish more than anything that we could patch up our differences. I wish you and I could say we are sorry for all the horrible things we have said to each other. We are mother and daughter, we do love each other and always will, we should remember that. We should be Thankful that we have each other to lean on in hard times and that we are there to support each other we no one else will.

I will always remember your first breath, first steps, first words, first every tooth, first everything! At least I will try to remember as long as I can, as long as God and my mind will allow me to remember..LOL! I wish you nothing but happiness your entire life. Please try to think back to when you were young and remember me with joy at times.

LOVE ALWAYS!!

MOM

Halloween 2011

Dear Beth,

As we celebrate Halloween today, I am thinking of past years, how much fun it was to dress you up in costumes and take you trick or treating. The years you went as a princess or some other cartoon character or maybe a cheerleader! You always had so much fun choosing what you wanted to be and dressing yourself when you could. I loved when you were younger and I could choose for you, but it was even more fun when you helped me, that was a time when we got to work together. I loved taking you and your brothers out in the evenings, holding your hands, helping with the heavy, candy filled bags, and listening to your voices as your said "trick or treat". I would give anything to go back in time to those carefree days!

I hope when you are a parent you will enjoy those days to their fullest! I wish you nothing but the very best and hope one day we can be happy again. Remember I do love you!

Love,

Mom

Once Again....

Dear Elizabeth,

Once again I have let you hurt me to the core! I got an email from you last night with the subject "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!". Upon seeing this my heart sank! After not hearing from you for over four months and only hearing news about you from two people, to see this I was devastated. Then to read "there was no reason to here from you, stop asking everyone how you are, I didn't care how you were in the first place why now?, don't worry about my wedding plans go help your real daughter Brittany, I have a wonderful supportive family here I do not need you guys!, stop asking about me stop thinking about me stop even wondering about me, if you were a truly concerned parent you would email me, leave me out of your life!, just wait you're gonna get what comes to you to for not helping with my schooling, do not take pride in me going to school I did it on my own without you!!", I was even more devastated, I was crying, no sobbing.

As I wrote my reply to you, I was calm, I tried to be loving and explain without lashing out like I really wanted too. I wanted to explain how much I was hurt but also how much I loved you and how much I just wanted to come down to Trinidad and take you in my arms and tell you how sorry I was for not calling, texting or emailing you all those months. But at the same time, I wanted to knock some sense into you, to make you see that just because I did not contact you that did not mean I did not love you, it meant I was trying to give you the room you wanted, the room you had asked for to spread your wings. The space to grow, to learn, to become the woman you felt I had stifled for so long. To become a woman who needed to learn how to live her life the way she wanted to live it. But I know that I can't knock any sense into to you, you have to grow into that woman yourself. No one can force you to see what your life should be but you yourself. And no one can make you see what your Dad and I have done for you and how much we love you!! Only time will tell!

Mom

Birthdays

Dear Elizabeth,

Recently we celebrated two birthdays without you, Ben's and Papaw's. Wish you had been here! Your brother turned 19 and began the last of his teen age years, what a milestone. He is doing very well at College America, he is studying Graphic Arts and really seems to like it. He plans to get his Associates degree then enlist in the Army, something he has wanted to do for a long time. Something James has wanted to do also and is planning to do after he and Brittany are married in May, so that he can finish his Nursing degree.

Papaw turned 69 on September 13, hard to believe that next year he will be 70. He has survived a heart attack and a stroke. He is such a strong man and in very good health. I wish I could say your Nanny was in such good health, she is having some problems with her crone's disease. I wish the doctors could find some medication to help her more. Papaw could use a knee replacement but his doctors don't seem to think so.

Your Dad finally got hearing aides and is hearing much better. We just got word that his hips might be on the recall list, so he is going to be talking to a lawyer to see what his options are. This concerns us since they had to replace so much of his hips to begin with that if anything were to happen to him they have told him that he would not be able to have them repaired and he would be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. So if his hips are on the recall list, they could not replace them, one he could not stand another surgery at this time and there is not enough hip there to hold up to surgery again. We will have to wait to see what happens.

We love and miss you so much and hope that you will come back into our lives sometime soon. Until then, take care and know that we do love you!! God Bless you and keep you well!!

Love,

Mom